cyle:

nightpool:

roughentumble:

my friend just told me that there’s a secret second dashboard that solely contains posts from people you’ve turned on post notifications for, and when i click the link in the messages it opens it within the tumblr app, so the tumblr app also has a secret second dashboard for post notification blogs, and the only way to access it is to open the link for it within the app.

i literally love tumblr

i have a private pinned post that just has a link to this dashboard on it, it’s great. two dashboards for life

wow! i was really hoping someone would organically reverse-engineer this and find that dash.

here are a few other “secret” dashboards:

• Posts from your “crushes”
• “What you missed” (will be empty if you already visit Tumblr every day)
• “Trending”

these are all just taking existing feeds of content and putting them in a dashboard-like format… the “Stuff for you” tab/feed is the same idea.

(via bellaswansong)

OSRR: 3253

two things today:

1. i didn’t wear my sunglasses at ALL, and

2. i put in all of my eye drops myself today!

i also made dinner, which included chopping up celery, so i’m glad my fingers are all intact.

i think joel is gone for the week. i don’t recall. i’ll have to ask.

hopefully this week will be better for my eyes - i’m starting to be able to open the right one some more, so i’m hoping this week yields favorable results in terms of sight and personal abilities.

i’m up late. i need sleep.

is-nino-actually-luka:

(via buggachat)

OSRR: 3252

going from functioning to effectively blind is rough. anyone who permanently loses any of their sight deserves so much better than the world can offer them. this shit SUCKS.

i went out with my mom today. put on sunglasses and a floppy hat and did my best to not die from the sensitivity to light.

everything is so bright all the time. the only time i can take my sunglasses off is at night. good god it’s terrible.

but i put in my drops today twice by myself! so that’s good! turns out they’re less stressful if i do them myself.

i want to read and i want to write but i can hardly keep my good eye open to bright things for more than a few minutes at a time. it’s really a struggle. no wonder i have everything on dark mode. i used to wonder why people used dark mode on everything, but now i am that person and wonder how i ever used the bright settings. everything is so much light. so bright. geeeeh.

anyway, joel texts me regularly to make sure i’m still alive and to ask me how im doing. which i really love. he makes me happy. he’s worried about me and he shows his concern in his texts. he’s very sweet.

also i learned that my lack of good sight definitively means i have no depth perception, it throws off my balance, and it throws off my perception of physical pain. my cat decided to bite me and it took me a hot minute to process that he was massacring my hand instead of just causally munching it like he’d done a few seconds previous.

my patch is too big to wear with glasses except my sunglasses. it’s too bright to wear regular glasses without sunglasses. but i also can’t see without regular glasses. i end up wearing just my sunglasses most of the time because it’s too bright and too sharp for my sensitive eye blobs to wear both glasses. the struggle is real. sure i got a ways to go, but good god, i just wanna see again.

but i can open my eye a little more than i could yesterday, which is good. it waters a lot, though.

OSRR: 3251

another day, more struggles opening my eye. did some research on how long i’d have to wait for my prescription to stabilize, learned the prescription should be okay to redo in two months or so but that side effects may take up to six months to go away.

not thrilled.

i can’t function like this. i want to be optimistic and say i’ll be good to go back to work on wednesday, but honestly i don’t think that’s gonna be the case. i can barely wear my glasses right now. how am i supposed to navigate a city to get to work? even if i take public transit, that’s still people and other shit i have to watch out for, and with only one working eye that’ll be really stressful. i need to email my supervisor.

sigh.

i miss joel. i feel like a joel hug might do me some good. at the same time i don’t want to leave the house. i just wanna not have this.

why did this have to happen? why did it have to happen now, or to me? could it not have done this a little while ago? this sucks and i’m done with it so much. i hate eye drops. they make me flinch every time. i hate having things close to my eyes. it makes me panic. i want to be able to sleep on my left. sleeping on the right exacerbates my heartburn. i want to see again.

i’m grumpy. i’m sad. i’m frustrated. my eye aches and my head aches and i’m ready to sleep again.

OSRR: 3250

this is exhausting, i just want my eyeball back to normal.

i wanna stop having a sore throat. i want my muscles to stop aching. i want my eye to see normally. i wanna go back to work. i wish i could restart the week last week or whatever or go back a few months so i could go to the eye doctor and have them do something before it went sideways. sigh.

i wish there were something i could’ve done to prevent this. this fucking sucks.

yes i’m aware i’m complaining but i want to complain. it’s my blog and i’ll cry if i want to. but shout-out to my dudes who come in here and read my complaints and my bullshit anyway, i see you and i love you.

joel sent me pictures today of some figures he’s been painting. he’s got thick acrylic paint and i recommended thinning it out to use it properly on figures like that. i wonder what he’ll do.

in the meantime i’m tired and need to sleep. wish me luck.

OSRR: 3249

tired. been sleeping on and off today.

doctor said my eye looked “excellent.” she even said i could go back to work this week if i felt up to it..

joel is glad i’m okay. i am too. i would like a hug from the joel.

my throat is still sore from the breathing tube they put down it yesterday. kinda sucks.

don’t ever let your retina get detached. it sucks. i’m gonna need new glasses.

OSRR: 3248

waited most of the day in the waiting room.

surgery is done.

eye aches.

got tuna afterward.

miss joel.

want joel hug.

and eye to stop aching.

OSRR: 3247

i go in for surgery tomorrow morning. gotta be there at 10. glad to be getting it fixed.

in the meantime, i’m still awake but can’t eat. i gotta pee.

joel is the sweetest. he asks me how i’m doing and tells me what’s goin on, reminds me to let him know if he can do anything for me. i love him. he makes me so happy.

in the meantime i’m pretty excited to catch up on some rest. i’m bad at sleeping in one position, though, so i’m not sure how the whole might-get-an-air-bubble thing will go. i also have to tell the doctors to put the IV in my elbow pit, not my hand. that shits fuckin brutal.

anyway, time for sleep.

OSRR: 3246

so i went back to the hospital today to meet with another doctor. we scheduled surgery for monday.

today was my aunt’s birthday party, but i went upstairs after getting back from the hospital and rested a while. i set an alarm so i could get up and go down for food and to see my aunt and cousin.

the “seeing” part was tricky, though.

most of the vision in my right eye is gone now. i sat at the table earlier and cried for a while. like yeah, retinas can be reattached. but there’s also a lot of possible side effects that may or may not go away. it’ll be under general anesthesia and take about a week to get back to normal work activities, but that also means i can’t go to work for a week. which sucks. because i JUST started. but my supervisor said to not worry about training and to not worry about the job, and do focus on getting better. which is really sweet of him. i like my job. it’s a good environment.

i ended up watching movies with my parents this evening, as much as one good eye will allow for. it’s fine. but i’m hungry lmao

anyway, i may or may not go see joel tomorrow, who is also fully supportive of me getting shit fixed but also about trusting the doctors. he’s just worried about me. i appreciate that. he’s a good guy. i love him so much.

OSRR: 3245

fun fact about the problem with my eyeball!

MY FUCKING RETINA IS DETACHED!

i went to urgent care after work because the spot occluding my vision was getting larger, and they said to go to an emergency eye place, the only one of which in the area is in boston, which i literally passed by today where thinking about my eye. we got down there around 9pm. checked in, waited, told my dad about the great emu war, literally designed a game based off of it, got triaged, waited a little more, got my eyes numbed and dilated and measured,got pictures taken of em, had lights shined in em, got a diagnosis and left. we were out after 11pm, which, all things considered, is pretty damn good for an emergency room.

on the way back, we (my dad drove after the stop at urgent care, good thing too because it’s past halfway now) stopped so i could pick up a few things from joel, which i greatly both needed and appreciated.

WAIT A MINUTE. IS MY LATTICE DEGENERATION WHY MY RIGHT EYE HAS ALWAYS BEEN MORE SENSITIVE TO LIGHT?????

WHAT THE FUCK.

anyway.

i stopped and got a hug from him, along with my meds, my cup, my chargers, and blooper, without whom i would have an incredibly difficult time sleeping tonight. i wish i couldn’t stayed at joel’s for the night, but my vision is so impaired that i couldn’t possibly drive myself anywhere.

and then dad and i got home and i talked to the eggs for a while and had a bowl of cereal for dinner and came up to bed.

anyway, joel is the sweetest person to ever exist. he makes me happy. i’m so lucky to have him.

anyway. doctor specialist appointment at 11am. sad. joel good. happy.

OSRR: 3244

i am in pain

does anybody want a uterus system? because i sure as fuck don’t. please remove this offensive organ from my abdomen.

why do we have to have them. why can’t we opt into them? why aren’t we just “default: none” and then we can read the terms and conditions and decide if we want it? probably because nobody would want to have it. it sucks and i hate it and this pain is all my fault because i’m a dumbass and haven’t been taking my birth control since i got it replaced. i’m pretty sure i’ve said that a few times.

anyway.

today wasn’t so bad. definitely disorganized, but not bad. i ended up walking somewhere around five miles or so, around campus and into and around buildings and everything. i got to see most of the buildings today. walked around a lot. don’t remember jack shit except the supervisor’s name.

had lunch with a small group of people, got ramen noodles and proceeded to get soup on my shirt. boo.

learned a bunch. forgot it. did some computer training. being up early fucks with my clock. can’t tell when it’s 10am. feels like 1pm. eeeefjhgrjjfkfkggh.

after work i napped on the bus (this morning i learned how big south station is) after walking something like another half mile from the train to the bus.

went to see a friend to work on sociology and get dinner and i got back about 10:20, put my laundry in so i’ve got something to wear tomorrow, discovered my foot is doing its annual summer “itch and scratch until it bleeds” stage, which fucking sucks because as of this summer i now have orthotics i need to wear that i can’t wear without socks, so i need to find similarly supportive shoes that’ll fit the orthotics that have an open top to them because this is fucking awful and it’s gonna be another giant ass scar and i can’t not scratch it. bad times. on top of the persistent cramps.

when i got on the bus this morning, i realized too late that i left my advil and my chocolate in my car. i had to buy new advil at the bus station. i’m just glad i stopped for bagels. bagels and water. my stomach is just wicked fuckin unhappy. i hate cramps. this is awful.

joel’s sweet, though. he reminded me to switch my laundry over and he gave me hugs when i got pissed off at the cable for my phone because it got stuck in the bed frame wheel. how the fuck does that happen??? pisses me off. boo.

anyway. sleep time.

cherryberg:

sacred-portal:

(via vibevendor)

akaiiros:

this actually is rewiring my brain as we speak

(via vibevendor)

suiheisen:

i watch baseball for the side quests

OSRR: 3243

second day went well! i parked in the garage across the street and i was happy to not have to pay for parking. lots of quizzing and more information. i remembered a few people’s names, though. so that’s good.

it was a lot of information download, yknow? just information overload tbh. so i’m glad i ended up being mostly fine. i’m glad they’re quizzing me every day. it helps.

after work, i actually went home. i talked to my mom a little before i got there, and when i did get there i got to show her my badge and i ended up going upstairs to put some bandages on the warts on my heel. kinda yucky.

also today at work, my tummy was bothering me, so i went to the bathroom.

i’d started my period.

greaaaaat.

but this company actually likes its employees, so there are free tampons and pads there for people to use. i’d never been so happy to see a maxi pad in my life 😂

anyway, after work, i noticed something wonky with my vision, which i spent the afternoon and evening trying to describe to google to get the right response out of it. rip.

i ended up calling my eye doctor to make an appointment that’s in july, but i’m gonna call tomorrow to see what i can do about coming in earlier to get it looked at.

anyway, i got to spend time at home and we had burgers.

i’m at joel’s, and he’s being silly. i’m happy i have him, even though my body is rejecting the idea of existence.